Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
