It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
