I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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