her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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