Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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