exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
