Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
