Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
