I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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