omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
