She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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