I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
