I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
