...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
