We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Shame is for Republicans.
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