Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
