I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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