you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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