maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
