I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
