He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
