when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
