I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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