on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
