i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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