i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
