Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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