It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
