Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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