17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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