Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
pray to the hookup gods
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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