take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
