The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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