i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
