so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
