I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
