Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
