how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
