i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
