I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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