I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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