So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
