My underwear smells like fireworks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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