just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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