I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
