i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
