Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
