i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
