Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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