So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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