im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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