So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
