totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
