I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
