My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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