Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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