so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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