So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize