My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
