Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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