You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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