Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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