I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
