Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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