you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
