Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize