If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
